loathing me

living with myself
living with my own skin touching me
feeling disgust when the reflected man
refuses to stop staring
with his bathroom-mirror eyes
i can’t stand the sound
of my own words when they come out
i hate the smell of my own breath
even the skeleton within me
claws at my insides for escape

i am the hollow man
i am the nightmare of the tin man
my own beating heart is a fist
of an insane little child
pounding on prison bar ribs
i want away from me
my own self wants to abandon me here
even i cannot live with this thing
cannot stand to close my eyes
and see the backs of my own eyelids

just let me out
let me out of me
do not let me live this curse
become engulfed
within this blackened creature-

how they must all see me
how they must turn their heads in disgust
shaking them in pity
at such a waste of flesh
and i do not blame them
even i cannot take a stand for me
for i do not side with demons
i do not speak out against evil
when the evil i have grown to hate
is my very own

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